Unbroken Will
by Mhna
Summary: Kyon is lost and confused in a world that Haruhi is the center of! In the midst of chaos he finds peace and quiet with Koizumi, a companion and friend. Will their relationship bud, despite knowing Haruhi can change their world at any given time?
1. Chapter 1

A/N: It's been a long time since I've uploaded anything to . Please, sit back and enjoy. lol

Warning: This story will contain Yaoi, bad language and other things unsuitable for children. If you feel you have little knowledge of Yaoi, I suggest you turn back while you still can. If you don't like MalexMale relationships, then don't read it. Kay thanks. (Rating is subject to change to M.)

**Unbroken Will**

.

.

"Do you believe in destiny?"

Destiny? It seemed ridiculous coming out of Koizumi Itsuki's mouth. He was always one to spout nonsensical things—but after meeting Suzumiya Haruhi, it wasn't impossible. But, of course in this world the strange existed. These were things that had always made me wonder if Haruhi willed it as such.

Nevertheless, the question was still odd.

I give him a glance chockfull of annoyance. He always smiles so effortlessly. What an idiot.

"It's not about what I believe in. Honestly, Koizumi, if you wanted to say something, just go ahead and state it." He seemed to smile on at me as if he hadn't heard. It wouldn't matter. Tomorrow something else would come up, and our conversation would be forgotten. Half the time I didn't understand where Koizumi was coming from.

Shady character, that guy.

"Never mind."

_'Never mind.'_ He says. I give him a bored glance. What was the point if you started up the conversation? Irritated, I stare off into the scenery, the sound of girls and guys alike in a unifying sound of raucous and laughter filling the stuffy spring air. Summer was almost coming, and I bowed my head in silent thanks to God for making it so far without dying. Of course, the mystery behind Haruhi's explosive-diarrheic powers to mold and shape the world had no real basis. There was indeed a logical explanation for this.

But, here we were investigating into it. I let out a large sigh, and Koizumi takes notice. I see him pursing his lips to say something, but he turns again. What's with this guy?

_'If you want to say something, say it.'_ I think irritably. Having enough of this awkward silence, I uncross my legs to stand up, taking what last sips of coffee I can before tossing it artlessly into a bin nearby. Koizumi makes no move to stand just yet, and I stuff a hand in my pocket before clearing my throat. "Are you coming, or what?" When had it felt so natural to say it like this? We walked together down the same street all the time.

Did it mean I found it unnatural to do so alone, when that was how I first started out to begin with? It was just a walk. It was a walk with a friend—who I found I needed to keep company with. We're all weak creatures in search of companionship to keep loneliness at bay.

Was I really lonely? Who knew. Koizumi seemed to be all the time, despite his smile.

I had an idea anyways. I wondered if he ever hung around with his ESP colleagues. He spoke of them so often.

"Sure." He said softly, his lips quirking into a broader smile as he stood. I narrow my eyes. What's he smiling about, now? You see, Koizumi has a chain-level of smiles. He had one for mischief and mayhem, one for Haruhi-ass-kissing, and one for me. It was strange to say so, but I suppose he only genuinely smiled when he was around me.

_'Don't you find that odd?'_ I wanted to ask it aloud to myself, but that would have proved inconvenient—not to mention I'd have to explain it. Slightly embarrassed (the reason I have yet to really know) we walk up the hill together in silence.

"Asahina looked quite adorable today, don't you think, Kyon?" I wished people would stop calling me that. I'm not even sure when "Kyon" came to be. My sister used to call me 'Onii-chan', but has long since stopped.

I kind of miss it.

'Kyon' suddenly became the thing people called me. But, when Koizumi said it, I wasn't as bothered by it.

The topic of Asahina was always a delight. And, without restraint, I continue on. "Oh, yeah. She looked really nice, today. Especially those nice… round…" I trail off, my eyes falling shut. Oh, how I wished to be the surface she placed her rear on. Just _once_, at least.

Koizumi stifled laughter at my facial expression, and I clear my throat. He probably could read my mind better than anyone else I ever knew. I would have been freaked out by it, but it was Koizumi. It was hard to be freaked out by a good-looking face like his.

I grimace at myself for making such a loaded comparison.

"You never seem to be fazed by her beauty at all, man." I retort to redeem myself, and Koizumi laughs.

It's always soft and collected. I didn't think laughter could ever be so smooth. "I'm reserved on things like this." I watch him open his eyes a bit to look at me, and I look back at him before grumbling. We were reaching the top of the hill, and it would soon be time to part ways. I feel something grow at that simple fact.

I just didn't want to be alone.

"Well, I guess this is goodbye for today, Kyon. Be sure to come to the club room, _"or heads will roll!"_ as Haruhi loves to put it." He was smiling at me, his brown eyes gazing with expectancy. I watch him turn, and I feel frozen to the spot. There's something I want to say, but it doesn't want to come. What am I looking for? This feeling that's building inside of me demands I do something.

Koizumi's back is getting further and further away from me. But what do I want to say? _What the hell is it that I want to say?_

I turn my back and walk in the other direction, defeated. I say to myself, next time I will say something to him for sure.

* * *

Thank you for reading this. I hope I can continue this story. Lol it's a lot shorter than intended, but bear with me. It'll be longer next time. ):


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I do not own Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuutsu.

Warning: This story will contain Yaoi, bad language and other things unsuitable for children. If you feel you have little knowledge of Yaoi, I suggest you turn back while you still can. If you don't like MalexMale relationships, then don't read it. Kay thanks. (Rating is subject to change to M.) (totally same warning lulz)

**Unbroken Will- Chapter Two**

.

.

It's impossibly warm today. I count down the minutes it takes to get out of this stuffy class room.

"Hey, Kyon," I grimace at the soft voice behind me.

I'm also reminded why I want to leave this room so desperately. I'm not given a chance to dwell on it, Haruhi's hand rushing forward to tug my collar violently. For a moment I am aware of how freakishly strong she is, my chair lifting up from the ground for a few seconds, before she releases me.

Holy shit, I hate it when she does that.

"There's no other—possible way to get my attention?" I mutter, annoyed. She barrels on as if I haven't spoken a word. "Kyon, meet me at the club room, ok? I just got a great idea!" She always seems so happy, compared to the times before we'd barely spoken. I enjoyed life before her shenanigans.

But, then again, when Haruhi was around… it wasn't boring like before.

"A double-edged sword." I say aloud, frowning.

"What?" She utters, and I turn to the side to shake my head. "Nothing." She pouts a little, opening her mouth to speak, but the sound of the bell rings and she rushes off so fast, her chair threatens to fall. I always wonder what goes on in that stupid brain of hers, but in the end I digress. If we knew what went on in her mind, we'd all be susceptible to Pandora's Box Syndrome.

Thankful that the day was finally over, I gather my things, shuffling out lazily to a club room I swear I hate going to.

_'Asahina would be there,'_ I assure myself that she'll be wearing a cute little get-up, something Haruhi forced her into wearing, no doubt. But, it was fine with me. Secretly, I could never get enough of it.

She probably knows I'm a pervert, but that can't be helped. Stick a man in the midst of things he desires, and he will surely chase after it. The lust of the eyes would soon be my downfall. I chuckle quietly to myself, hand in pocket, heading to the club room.

"Ah, Kyon!" I look up to find Koizumi coming down the hall. I make a face as if I don't want to be seen, but he smiles brightly at me. _Jesus._

"Ah, Koizumi." I repeat—in an almost sarcastic falsetto. "Come to do absolutely nothing, today?" I quip, and he laughs heartily at my jibe. Usually people get snappy or feel threatened—but I had yet to see Koizumi be mean-spirited towards others. Perhaps he was simply a happy-go-lucky individual.

"Not necessarily, Kyon. I did bring a game to play. I want you to play with me, in fact." He said gently, opening the door. I follow him, hearing Asahina's soft voice ring out in welcome.

She was wearing the usual maid outfit, her bountifully large breasts tight in that top portion. If only Haruhi were here to force open a bit more of her top for picture-taking. I slip into a hazy day-dream, unbuttoning that top and perhaps smooshing my face into those soft mounds, but I am disturbed by Koizumi once more.

_Damn it._

"So? Yes? No?" At first I really don't know what the hell he's going on about, but I see him holding up a chess board, and I nod dumbly as Asahina places a cup of hot tea in front of me. My eyes focus on her breasts in distraction.

I watch her go, my eyes lingering on her rear, before catching Koizumi watching me. He's staring again, and it makes me uncomfortable. I suppose he knows without me saying so, looking down at the board quickly. Relief washes over me, and I set the cup back down after taking a small, guarded sip.

"Are we betting?" I ask lazily, and Koizumi nods slowly. "What's the wager?" My eyes wander over where Asahina stands—well was standing. "Whatever it is I want. But, if you win, I do whatever you want." I growl, feeling that this was something Haruhi would say, going rigid in the chair. I will not be someone's slave for a freaking day. "Now, see here Koizumi—" I start.

"No, it isn't what you think it is." He holds his hands up quickly. "It's nothing like Haruhi would do. It's merely… ah, yes—merely an exchange." He rubs his chin in speculation, as if he were calculating something rather than calling a bet. Then again, Koizumi was a rather calculating fellow. "I win, I get something from you. You win, you get something from me. Now," He was putting on his game face. I'd seen that face once when we were in closed space.

I had to admit, then, Koizumi looked pretty fucking cool. I would never admit it, though.

"Be aware, espers keep to their word. I expect you to do the same." It seemed the aura was coming off in waves from Koizumi, and for a moment I found myself dumbstruck at how cool he looked. I almost see why Haruhi chose him as vice president. Then again, she also wanted to work my ass into the ground like a mule.

"Fine. Let's do this, then." I wasn't all that aware of the wager. It sounded like he could pick anything and I would have to give it to him. Things were things. I could always get more of them. However, he sounded like he wanted my soul or something. Far-fetched? Perhaps. If he wanted my soul, he'd have to do better than Chess to beat my ass and take it.

As we were setting up and beginning to play, Haruhi rushes in like a windswept bird, that same ridiculous grin plastered on her face. I feel a headache brewing.

"Everyone!" She starts, storming to the other side of the room. Asahina trembles and mewls to herself.

_'I will protect you, Asahina-san!'_ I want to say, but even I know that's bullshit.

I watch her settle into her chair, getting ready to divulge her canon-fodder for the day. "We, as the S.O.S Brigade, should plan an event to help further people's knowledge of us!" I grimace. How many more things should we be "preparing" for, huh? The School Culture Festival was coming up (to my dismay), but we've already done a movie, a concert, and competed against various clubs!

"Haven't we done enough?" I cut her off, and she stares at me. It's the kind of stare you get from your grandmother when you've said something stupid—or offensive. Or offensively stupid. I do my best not to appear too annoyed, moving my knight out to defend my line. Koizumi raises a brow.

"What are you, stupid? We have to do this!" Ah, yes, the declaration of S.O.S. Brigade.

I am thrilled.

I, still to this day, want to know how we've come so far. Koizumi gives me a knowing glance, and I break eye contact with him as I move a pawn in front. It's like he's constantly licking my brain. That in itself was a creepy concept, but if there wasn't any truth to it, I wouldn't have said so.

"That was a rather predictable move, Kyon. Play with fervency." He states with his eyes shut. I roll my eyes.

"Whatever." I say, as Haruhi blurts on as though she's caught diarrhea of the mouth. The image amuses me a little bit, but I tell myself that I should find it a bit disgusting. Nevertheless, I still chortle as I move my pawn two squares to take the one in front.

"Are you listening, Kyon?" I grow tired of her mouth, eyeing her before looking back at the chess board. "I see what you're doing, Koizumi." He looks at me, his facial expression carefully guarded. I've totally disregarded that she's asked me a question, and I lift my face for a little to answer her—after this particular move.

"Well, what do you suggest?" I let out in distraction, cursing quietly as I watch a move that could potentially be problematic later on. As if I wasn't used to this already. Haruhi says something else I don't quite catch, but I let it slide. She grabs her bag and concludes her meeting, trudging out the door she came through. Soon, Asahina leaves, but even I don't take much notice to it. We say our goodbyes for a brief moment, the scent of lavender floating past my nostrils as she departs.

"Shouldn't we wrap this up?" Koizumi says quietly. I can tell he's looking at me again, but I don't look back. He appears to sound amused. Koizumi was many things, but being amused only happened so rarely. "We have a little ways to go," I explain, taking my next move. We're close, but it seems I am winning by one. "I just want to get this over with."

"If you say so," It's his turn, and I watch him quite carefully. His queen isn't cornered, but depending on the move he's made, I'll be able to take him. He makes his move—in which my face falls. I underestimate Koizumi, and every time I do, he always manages to surprise me. He's gotten my queen in check, but I move out of it.

Nagato finally stands up from the corner of the room, and takes her leave. I don't bother communicating with her, fretting at how I can get out of this. "Forfeit, or lose." Koizumi rests his chin on his hand, waiting ever so patiently as I run my eyes over the board for the eighteenth time.

_I won't be had. I won't!_

"Damn it." I move my queen piece, and he gladly places his knight in front of my queen, successfully blocking me from making another move. "Checkmate."

I sit back, running my hands through my hair in utter irritation. "So, what do you want?"

His eyes narrow. "Come and walk with me, and you'll find out." I, of all people, was not into mind games. Koizumi was the one who was most aware of that fact. I stand slowly, throwing my bag over my shoulder, my blazer in the other hand as I follow him outside. "You could just get this over with and tell me, Koizumi." I state loudly.

He makes no effort to acknowledge what I've said.

We walk up this hill, just like 1,000 times before. But, this evening was different. I follow the older male up the hill, the fork coming within our sight. We'd have to part ways again. I wonder what he'd say when we reach there.

In no time we get there, and I watch him slow down.

"Well, I guess this is the end of the road for us." He's smiling so earnestly at me. I wonder what he's thinking inside of that brain of his. "Yeah, I guess…" I don't know what to say, rubbing into the back of my neck. He turns to walk away and I falter, following him a little before stopping myself. I want to say something to him, anything to make him turn around and face me.

He's walking away, and I find myself in this dilemma again. The thought of what happened during the summer of eight brought me back to this, and I felt something stir. I didn't want this to be a repeat. Nor did I want it to happen another 15,551 times.

Knowing Haruhi, and my shitty luck, it would happen again.

But, who was the hesitant one, here?

I stumble on my words as his back slowly drifts from me.

"K…Koizumi…!" I finally shout, and he turns around, his hand pushing his hair out of his face. I never realized how much longer it'd grown since I'd first laid eyes on him. "Yes, Kyon…?" He sounds expectant. I don't make any pretenses to waste his time. "Ah—that… you never told me what I would give you…" It seemed like a viable thought. I really did want to know.

He looks at the ground for a moment, coming back my way. I feel something like relief and anxiety fill me as he comes closer. He doesn't plan on stopping at the allotted space males give one another during conversation. I take a step back; he steps even closer.

"Oi, Koizumi—" I growl as he wraps his arms around my neck. This makes me uneasy to the max. "You know I don't like that—" I stammer, and he sighs, releasing me. "Sorry," He sighs into laughter, patting my shoulder in jest. My heart thumps loudly, and I wonder if he can hear it.

"Don't play around like that, will ya?"

"Yes, yes." He's turning to leave, waving as he makes his way back.

Some part of me wishes I knew the answer to what it was he was going to say. The other part told me to shut the fuck up and hurry home where sanity was waiting graciously for me to reclaim it once more.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own this.

A/N: I would like to thank the people who are interested in this story. I threw this thing out here thinking I wasn't going to get any feedback, but there are still people reading stories. It's kind of sad that no one really reads fanfics anymore. But with what few people I can reel in to read this, that would be enough for me.

Warning: This story will contain Yaoi, bad language and other things unsuitable for children. If you feel you have little knowledge of Yaoi, I suggest you turn back while you still can. If you don't like MalexMale relationships, then don't read it. Kay thanks. (Rating is subject to change to M.)

**Unbroken Will- Chapter Three**

.

.

It's Saturday morning. A typical morning for me is usually sleeping in, working on homework as I sit around watching tv. "Kyon-kun, telephone." My baby sister lets out distractedly, her face glued to the tv. "You don't have to tell me that." I reply as I pick up my cellphone. I notice Haruhi's phone number appear on the orange LED screen. I am tempted to simply let it ring, and for a moment I do.

However the consequence for ignoring her was a chance I could not take. I answer it, unable to register a word she says. "Kyon!" I'm reminded all over again why I disliked the idea of her having my cell number like this. How in the hell did she get it, again? "The S.O.S. Brigade is meeting at the square! Bring your bike, and lots of money, ok?"

"Oi—" She hangs up before she gives me a chance to answer her properly. I close my phone, staring out the screen door. The day hadn't even started, and I already wanted it to be over. I didn't have a good feeling about this, but being around Haruhi always warranted such a feeling. It was something I never could entirely shake off, no matter what.

I stand up, my sister looking at me expectantly. I shake my head, and her face falls. There was no way I'd allow her to come. After all she was still so young, and frankly the last thing I needed was to be made a fool of in front of her. Call it what you want, but even I had my pride to consider.

I get dressed, heading out the door to grab my bike. Most likely she was going to penalize me for being late. I never really understood that. It also made no sense how I'd arrive, and I was always last. Something told me Haruhi took pleasure in this. It didn't matter, really. I would get to see Asahina-san again. I sigh almost loudly at the thought. I wondered what she would be wearing today.

I arrive at the square, our usual meeting place before her shenanigans were about to take its course. I ride up, and my suspicions are realized when I notice all of them standing there. "Kyon! You're late! A penalty!" I cringe on the inside, slightly annoyed at how happy Koizumi looks. If my vision was correct, and it always freaking was, he seemed to be amused.

It never sat well with me that he was this amused and at me no less. I park my bike somewhere, taking a good look at where I put it. Last time it was taken, and I had to pay money to get it back. This time it wouldn't happen. It would further drive a stake into my heart if I lost it. But, being around a girl like Haruhi, you never knew what was happening.

We're entering a restaurant we frequent, taking this moment to strike up a conversation with Asahina. She smiles and blushes a bit at me as we speak, and I ask myself if she was seducing me with a sweet smile like hers. I feel a mixture of elation and joy fill me as I watch her sit in the leather booth seat, moving in to sit beside her.

"Ah—Kyon, let Koizumi sit beside Asahina." It takes a few moments to realize what's happening, looking over to see Haruhi staring daggers at me, her arms crossed. I furrow my brows, my lip twitching as I search for a scalding remark. Asahina's soft sound of worry fills the tense air as I narrow my eyes. They all (including Nagato) stare at me, hoping I don't rile Haruhi into a bad mood. The last thing we all wanted was a closed-space experience, again.

The moment seemed to drag on forever, but it was only a matter of mere seconds. I straighten and move to let Koizumi through, agitated that I would have to bend my ass backwards for a girl who they all claim to be a god of some kind. Well, Koizumi, anyways.

It was all bullshit, and they knew it.

I settle tersely beside Koizumi, and the rest seem relieved at my decision. It seemed I was constantly taking one for the team, here. But what Koizumi said about her replacing them nagged me at the back of my subconscious. If indeed Haruhi had the power to manipulate her surroundings, the people I knew and cared about, the friends I had and loved would all disappear.

I couldn't have that.

So, once again I'm stuck in this predicament where I'm tossed about to and fro like a rag doll by Haruhi, and there wasn't a damned thing I could really do about it. I sit back, throwing my head back to sigh. I would have to let it go eventually. It wasn't worth it, or I'd have to say something ridiculous to keep her from taking away the world as I knew it. As we knew it.

We all eat, and of course I pay. I have no interest in speaking as Haruhi creates another far-fetched plan for letting the world know who we were. Personally, it was better for all of us if that weren't the case. There isn't much we can do, anyways. It only existed because Haruhi was bored. Such was her melancholy, I suppose. I leave the bills on the table underneath a cup, watching as the others walk outside. Koizumi and I are the last to leave. "You know," He starts. Frankly, I didn't want to hear it, but I was also sure Koizumi didn't care. "That was a good thing you did earlier." I wasn't particularly fond of praise—well, unless Asahina-san was doing it. That was a different story, oh yes. "Ah, yeah. How inconvenient would it be if she suddenly got pissed, huh?" It comes at more acidly than I intend it to be, but what's done is done.

I didn't want to hear how I had to keep her in good spirits. For all I care, she's a spoiled girl who was caught in her own ideologies of what the world should be, and not for what it was already. I grow tired of being here, and I make my way to leave. "Kyon—" He starts, but I don't want to give him that chance to sway me with whatever crack-pot knowledge I have.

"Look, I get it." I rush, turning. He's caught me off guard with how close he is. He bumps into me, and I hold his waist to keep him from falling on me. In a clumsy movement, his hands are on my shoulders for support, and we stare for a moment. I push him away quickly, pretending to straighten my shirt. I don't know what to say at first. "I get it. You like the world you live in. And, I'm the only one she trusts to keep around. Don't worry, I won't piss her off."

"Kyon—" I hurry out the sliding doors before he says anything else, that feeling of being trapped and lost and confused filling me up like a glass of water. I tell myself it was nothing, and that it was ok to feel this uncomfortable. The scent of him still lingers, the feel of his palms warm on my skin. He fell, I caught him. That was the end of it. But, even then I could hear his heart beating quickly.

"That's enough for today, you all can go home! I'll see you after school on Monday in the club room!" She says it with such earnest that it was hard to believe she was such a tyrant. I walk towards my bike—or where my bike once was. "This can't be happening to me." I hiss through my teeth. I parked it in the right place, and it ends up getting carted away—again. I feel a little numb, too tired to be angry. I would figure it out in the morning.

I tell myself as soon as I got my bike again, I'd never come this way ever again. It was a convenient lie, knowing I'd be returning here regardless. Haruhi's orders were absolute.

"Down on your luck as always, Kyon." I hear his obnoxiously pleasant voice fill my ears, and I turn to glare at him. "Not now, Koizumi." I mutter, walking. He's riding his bike next to me, pedaling at a slow and steady pace. This only makes me miss my bike all that much more. "Want a ride with me?" Like hell I did. He reads my emotions like a book, laughing gently. "Oh, come on, Kyon. You know you don't want to walk all the way back."

This was the sore and irrevocable truth. It made no sense to state my condition as it was, and I stop walking. He slows to a stop, and waits for me. Now was not the time to be conceited. He was giving me a way to get home, and quickly. Who was I to turn down his generosity? I kick my leg over the other side, adjusting myself behind him. I carefully hold his sides, and he rushes forth so fast, I grab his waist like cling-on lint as we go zooming down the hill. At this point I'm half-fearful, half-expectant of him. I realize Koizumi wasn't shitting when he said he was an esper. I keep my eyes closed, aware that from this point of view it was different. Koizumi was actually a strong and vigilant individual. If only Haruhi knew this…

We are going along, and I see so much just from this spot. "I see how you're always here before me." I say loudly, and I hear him chuckling. His voice echoes from his back to my ear. My heart fills with something I can't quite readily identify at the sound of his voice. He's warm, his heart thumping from the extra weight he's carrying. I say to myself I both admire and find Koizumi annoying. The feelings I feel work hand in hand to further confuse me, but before I can have the chance to examine them, the ride comes to an end as we slow to a stop.

"Here we are." He announces, but I'm well aware of where we are. Kind of.

I release him slowly, easing off the bike. I'm almost sad it's ended so soon. "Thanks for the ride." I say to fill the awkward silence, and he nods in acknowledgement. He's turning his bike around to go the other direction, and I find myself mustering up words to say to him.

"I, um—sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to snap at you?" Why the hell did it come out as a question?

Koizumi looks a little bit surprised. I always wonder what he's thinking, even though he knows what I think about. I find this to be an uneven playing ground.

"No one takes the time to understand you in this situation, Kyon." He was always understanding about everything. I feel even worse for snapping at him, now. I am lured into his gaze. Catching myself, I avert it successfully.

I wonder if he plays video games. A boy at his age; it seemed he was the type to.

"Do you wanna come inside? I just bought a game… and… I don't know." I'm not sure what I should say next, but he gets the idea.

Good. I really wasn't going to continue saying shit.

I watch him park the bike, and we walk up the steps to my house. It's later in the evening, and I know my sister's already sleeping. Mom and Dad usually put her to sleep early before going to work.

I toe off my sneakers to pad into the house with socked feet. "My room is upstairs. Oh—" I pause before climbing the steps, looking back. "Do you want something to drink?" He's unusually quiet, and I catch him staring around, looking back at me slowly.

"Yes, actually. Want me to wait in your room?" I'd almost forgotten he'd been here once before when we were experiencing the summer of eight. It almost slipped my mind that he had knowledge of where my room was.

I watch him go, hurrying to the kitchen to get us some sodas. I feel unsettled, but perhaps in a good way. I take two—three steps at a time to reach the top, going down the end of the hall where my room was, finding him looking through a manga I'd once borrowed from Taniguchi.

"Which one do you want?" I ask as I hold up grape and orange, and he closes the book with a snap, looking over his shoulder. He looks unfocused, pensive even.

"Orange." He points, and I hand it to him. Our fingers touch; his linger. I pull away, careful not to look him in the eyes. He follows my eyes, and I feel that familiar pang settle deep down inside of me.

"Oi, Koizumi." I let out sternly, and he shrugs and laughs a little. "Sorry, sorry." He holds up a hand upright in apology, and I glower at him. "What game do you have for us to play?" I'm reminded of what I bring him up here for, and I plop down in front of my tv to pull it out. He sits next to me as I teach him how to play.

Time slips on and soon it's late. I'm sleepy, and I'm sure he is too.

"Thank you for this. I'm not used to hanging out with friends." I hear him say, and I shrug lazily. "Don't think you can come here whenever you want to, though." I joke with him, and he snorts. He's getting up, and I notice his hand is about to knock the can of soda he'd been drinking over. "Koizumi—" I startle him as I grab his wrist.

He loses his balance, and we tumble together to the floor.

"Fuck—ow—" I mutter, the can held securely in my hand—and a most surprised Koizumi staring above me. I think, for once, that face he makes is the best I'd ever seen it. He's staring down at me, and I stare back up at him. "Koizumi…" I start, squeezing the can tightly in my hand as he makes no move to get off.

"Yes?" He breathes, and I'm uncertain at the barely repressed whisper he lets escape from between his parted lips. My heart's drumming, and I'm sure his is too. "Are you going to get o—" I feel the soft pressure of his lips on mine, and for a moment I'm unable to process what has happened. I crush the can in my hand, soda spilling down my arm and to the floor.

I shove him, wiping my mouth in hopes that it'd erase what's been done.

"What the hell—" I start off, surprised, pissed, and more afraid than I've ever been in my entire life. He looks back at me, regret staining his features. This was a face I'd never seen him give, and I hope to God I never did again. We don't talk, and I can't anyway, my face red and blotchy with embarrassment. What the hell was he thinking just then?

We don't exchange words, and after that I wouldn't know another soul who could. He gets up slowly to take his leave, and I am grateful that I didn't have to say a word to get him to leave. I hear his feet stop at the doorway, and I'm too mortified to move just yet. I know he wants to say something, but it never comes, the door closing quietly behind him.

I bury my face into the side of my bed as he leaves. I can taste the flavor of orange against my lips.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own this.

A/N: I decided that it was time to bring some variation into this story. I want to be serious about this project, analyze, and do it again because the chemistry between Koizumi and Kyon are so complex but tangible. This is what I truly want to create, that atmosphere of their strange friendship. In order to do so, I am placing in a perspective not really focused on (in the show). Koizumi's POV is just as important as Kyon's as they both work hand in hand to calm Haruhi in order to keep their world as is. I'm not the best at capturing the characters' every move (and mannerisms), but I would hope to be as accurate as possible. Thank you for reading this far.

Warning: This story will contain Yaoi, bad language and other things unsuitable for children. If you feel you have little knowledge of Yaoi, I suggest you turn back while you still can. If you don't like MalexMale relationships, then don't read it. (Rating is subject to change to M.)

-MHnA

**Unbroken Will- Chapter Four**

.

.

"Kyon? Are you listening, Kyon?" I lift my head a little to find myself in the clubroom. I'm unable to say why and how I've managed to get here. My eyes peer lazily into pools of enthusiastically brown eyes.

I frown.

"Yeah, listening." I repeat half-heartedly. Asahina is worried. She has right to be.

Across from me, an empty chair waits for a body to fill it.

I hadn't seen Koizumi since the incident in my room. That was three days ago.

Haruhi seems a bit unsettled—even for Haruhi. She pouted, knowing I really wasn't all there. Nagato is staring at me, and I'm not sure whether I find this a good or bad thing—or just plain uncomfortable. I turn away, avoiding her empty stare. Beneath that face, I wonder what she thought of me. Assuming she knew, and I hardly doubted she couldn't know.

As far as I knew she was probably figuring out what had happened between Koizumi and me. And, here I was convinced Nagato had no soul.

I still think she didn't.

The way she stared, however, gave me the impression that she wanted me to do something about it. As always, I'm left to consider a solution. But, a guy kisses you out of the blue, and you ask yourself how the hell could you possibly create a solution that benefits both parties? Someone would wind up getting hurt.

I preferred it not be me.

"Well, since Koizumi isn't here, I guess we'll call it quits, today." Something fills me up, and I detest the feeling.

Guilt? Hardly—or I would have loved to assume it was.

"It's strange. He's never late like this. Kyon—" She points at me in a way that aggravates me, because I know what's going to hap—"Go check up on Koizumi, and see if he isn't dead. It's an order." She pulls her trigger finger out from my face (lucky for her as I had the urge to slap it away), tossing her bag over her shoulder.

"He's so hard to replace! He's such a good vice president to this club…" She sighs. I narrow my eyes. Who? Koizumi never did a damned thing. If it was anyone who worked their ass off in this club, it was me! I don't take that moment to argue that point, knowing it's a battle already lost.

"Why do I have to go?" I stifle the urge to scream it. Fear swallows me in. I don't want to be alone with Koizumi. Not after what's happened. I couldn't face him, and I was sure he felt the same. So, why…

"Oh?" She gives me a puzzled look, one that slips into annoyance. "Because, stupid, you're the one he trusts the most, right? Just do it." She walks away, everyone else following her along.

I sit back in the chair, throwing my head back to sigh. What was I to do now…?

It's a while before I muster up the balls to get to Koizumi's place. I don't know how many times I turned around to go, but would come back.

Damn, I hate having a conscience.

For all we knew, something bad had happened to him. Or he might have gotten stuck in closed space… or worse… I shake my head, pedaling up the hill we usually walked together on.

Together…

I'm at his home, and I'm not quite sure if I want to take the steps to his door and knock. "Don't be a pussy. You can do this." I say aloud in hopes that it will encourage me. It does very little, but I'm moving to knock on his door. There is no answer. I ring the doorbell a few times. I stand there quietly, and I say to myself I've done my duty.

I turn to leave, but a light flickers on in the living room. I'm tense, but I make no show of it as the door slowly opens. I'm at a loss of words as I haven't thought this far. What do I say? Should I apologize? Wait, what for again?

"You, um… h…ey." It's awkward. Positively awkward.

The Koizumi I knew, and the Koizumi I now know didn't feel the same. Not when I knew how he felt. Even in saying that, I still didn't know how he really... really felt. I tell myself I don't want to know, and it was better if I didn't. I loved the comfortable world I lived in without worries or troubles. I had enough on my plate already with Haruhi's nonsense.

Ignorance was definitely bliss.

Koizumi looked tired, as if he hadn't slept in days. I stare at his disheveled form, wondering what had happened to make him look this way—and am sorely reminded that the reason was our encounter. "Ah, Kyon," He was trying to sound positive. It hurt to hear him try. I look down at my sneakers, hands shoved into my pants as I figure out what to say.

"Haruhi and I agreed to see how you were." It was a convenient lie.

"Even Haruhi worries." He laughed. It was hollow and empty. "I'm fine, thank you. Tell her I'm sick. She will understand." He supplies lamely. My brows furrow.

"She won't. You know that." I counter. Frankly, I didn't want to be here doing the same shit again. I convince myself I had better things to do, but I knew that wasn't all true. He smiles, but I know he's suffering. I want to tell him he's an idiot for hiding the obvious, but it never comes.

"I'm sure you can tell her something. She listens to y—"

"Quit this bullshit, Koizumi." I glare at him, my fists tightening within my pockets. He stares back at me, surprised. Those brown, fathomless eyes of his grow soft. I'm pissed off at that expression, one which beckons me to create a solution for him. For us.

Fuck.

"You come back, and you deal with it, and with her, just like the rest of us."

I'm serious now. No more games.

"And, you know what? I'm tired of everyone dumping their hopes and aspirations of their world remaining intact because some little bitch can shape the world to her liking. It ISN'T REAL."

Koizumi says nothing. I find myself more pissed with him than anything else.

I grab his collar, his eyes peering down at me. He isn't putting up a fight, and it only gives me more incentive to punch his stupid face until I see him fight back. I'm surprised by his hands on my shoulders, leaning in. I feel my face grow hot as I push roughly, but he's not so easy to budge. A miscalculation I was not planning on.

-

~Koizumi's POV btw, lawlz awkward transitionnnn-nooooww.~

Loneliness. It seems that's all I can see. All I can feel. I knew I'd made a mistake in kissing him. I go over and over what measures I now could take to kill this thing between us.

I realize, to my dismay, there was never an "us". My hands were on my head, heavy and tired from the lack of sleep. I don't remember the last time I ever ate. The truth was I hardly slept. Not since I'd seen Kyon. He was all I ever thought about. The touch of his lips against mine still burned into the forefront of my memories, haunting me, intrinsically engraved into my very being.

I wish to weep, but tears never come. I suppose I wasn't the crying type. I wasn't so sure whether or not that was because Haruhi made it so, or if I was as cold as I was calculating when no one was looking. I rest my head into the couch, the darkness consoling my bereft spirit when I hear the door being knocked upon.

At first I don't register the sound, or perhaps I did not want to. Whoever it was, they were insistent on destroying my private time. I muster the strength to get up, taking one step at a time to switch the light on before going down the hall. I come to the door, opening it slowly. I'm surprised to find him standing there, looking ridiculous and cute at the very same time.

I try to act nonchalant, but my heart's already pounding.

"Ah, Kyon," I manage to murmur. He seems dissatisfied with my words. So much for expectations, Kyon? He rambles on about Haruhi. I know he's lying. He had to have come here for other reasons. There was no way Haruhi could bully him into coming here. He could have called and be done with it. But, then Kyon was not that kind of boy.

"I'm fine, thank you." Also a convenient lie. I want him so bad that it hurt. I ask myself that once I did have him, would it simmer away and simply be a one-time flame that would never be ignited again? I wondered, but no mathematics would be ever enough to figure out Kyon. "Tell her I'm sick, she'll understand." I see his face, and find my blood pumping by it. He's angry. Excited with rage. Are you tired of things as they are? I wanted to ask him.

I wanted to erase that face. Make him scream and grunt, cry and scratch, extricate his very being into mine, and mine to his. I wanted to do all of these things, but with him this way, it proved difficult to keep my hands to myself. I run my hands through my hair in hopes to stay them at my sides once more. I was doing so well thus far. He's grabbing me and spitting like some sort of riled cat, and I realize, ah yes I definitely realize that I love him this way.

If only he knew… if only…

"Is that all you can say?" I'm at my limits, my breath caught in my throat at how powerless he seemed to be to sway me into cooperating with him. Was he really doing this for Haruhi? No, there wasn't a doubt he was here for something else… I wanted to rip the answer from him. My hands are moving of their own accord, touching him in places that send his cheeks red with embarrassment as I cup his neck. He pushes back, a natural reaction.

He's never been with a woman, and yet he's so afraid of what could happen between us. That logic that human beings create to shield themselves from their inhibitions proved only to be an inhibition itself.

"Let me," I whisper harshly to pacify him, and he seems to ease up. I feel against his hair, and he twitches, moving his face away. "If it bothers you so much, just close your eyes." I whisper to him and I watch them fall shut. "You haven't slept… you look a little thinner…" I whisper into his ear, and he gasps. Our lips touch, a soft cadence of warmth and sweetness and a bit of inexperience molding together into something new.

I feel along his sides, he whispers something I can't quite here, but know it to be meaningful. He wants this, but is unsure about everything. I want to assure him things won't change, that this was only to confirm things I'd had suspicions about. To confirm if this was all just desire and nothing more. I never wanted anything in my life, but this was different.

It was so very different.

He wants me too, both willing and unwilling to explore this situation to the best of our abilities. I kiss his neck, he whimpers in a deep, throaty way that makes my cock twitch with anticipation. "Kyon, Kyon…" I groan softly into his ear, barely registering words in proper speech patterns now as all I want to do is fuck him.

But, we can't go there. Not yet.

I ache at the idea, but I can only settle for what I can get. "I won't tell a soul. No one has to know." He nods nervously, and at this point I know he's been thinking about all of this. Is he doing this out of guilt? Is he doing this to please both parties? I don't know.

I don't care.

I lead him to the living room, shutting off the light to ease his embarrassment.

He doesn't speak.

That was fine by me.

I reach to touch him and he moves a little. I let my hand fall, smiling. I try again, my knuckles brushing up against his cheek and I watch his eyes close, caught between nudging into it and moving away. He was like a fickle cat, wondering whether or not to allow his master to give him affection.

I cup his cheeks, kissing him. He fumbles for a bit, his hands at my waist. "Sit," I order, and he obeys quickly. I get on my knees to kiss him once more, pushing him back into the cushions. He's watching me, wondering what I was going to do next.

I lift his shirt, and he protests with a soft "Oi, Koizumi".

I'm more amused at his reaction, my mouth finding a dark nipple to tease. He arches, tugging at my hair, trembling and whimpering for me to stop. His half-assed attempts to be assertive die off as I bite gently into his budding flesh.

I've found a sensitive spot for him, using my other hand to tweak his other nipple.

He gasps and arches.

I bite again, and this time I'm rewarded with a moan that slowly melts my restraints. I move lower, his lips parting like a giant "O" as I undo his pants.

"Wait—" He's startled, but I already feel him, half-mast and aching for release. I ignore his hand motions to keep me from tugging his underwear down, my mouth slipping over the head of his erect flesh.

I suck slowly, his moans barely suppressed in the dynamic darkness of the room. I want to hear his voice; I want to debauch and dirty him and make him mine once and for all.

"A-Ah—Koizumi… Koi—K-Koizumi—" The sound of his voice floats into the dark depths of my sub consciousness, everything blurry and hazy with nostalgic longing. I cling to this world I've made, but it is no use.

I shift and stir, half aware that this is only a dream. The sun peeks through my vertical shades, and I groan softly. My hand moves slowly between my legs, burying my face into the pillows as I pretend my fist is Kyon's mouth. I twitch and arch into a soft whimper, clinging on to that image of him between my legs and it's all it takes for me to lose my will to hold on.

I come into my fisted hand with a soft grunt. I pant softly and quietly, unable to move quite yet. I blink a few times in realizing what I'd just been doing. I sigh loudly, throwing my arm over my eyes as I contemplate going to school. It had to end, sometime.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own this.

A/N: Thanks to those who have read this story thus far. I wrote a nice long chapter for everyone, so I hope this keeps you entertained. I've been really busy as of late (doing a graphic novel).

Warning: This story contains Yaoi, bad language and other things unsuitable for children. If you feel you have little knowledge of Yaoi, I suggest you turn back while you still can. If you don't like MalexMale relationships, then don't read it. (Also the horizontal RULER (long line) is a transition of POV for the characters. Lol I thought it was a lot better than saying "KOIZUMU; KYON POV")

-MHnA

**Unbroken Will- Chapter Five**

.

.

Where to begin?

I'm not very sure. A week had passed since I'd seen Koizumi here. It's a bit nostalgic, staring at his seat in hopes it wills him back into it.

I am disappointed.

Why? For the life of me, I didn't know. Everyone is agitated with me, and I want to find another way around this. It didn't have to be this way. Not really. The conversation between him and me three days prior had burned into my memory. I felt myself grimace. He'd opened the door, I remembered that.

We talked.

His pathetic attempt to look resolute was a complete failure.

He tried to kiss me.

I slapped him. Hard.

And, then my feet carried me as fast as they could take them. It was a bad idea. I knew it was a bad idea to have even gone there, frustratingly unready to face this head on. I felt the pressure to create a way to get Koizumi to return. But, even I had very little faith in his coming back. I didn't blame him. What troubled me a bit more was that Haruhi had been a bit quiet as of late. At first I hadn't really noticed, what with all the shit I was dealing with between Koizumi and me. She seemed high above the clouds, the tale-tell signs of her boredom taking root. Or so I thought.

I didn't know whether to be afraid or overjoyed. It meant less trouble for me—but it also could have meant trouble. A very big storm was coming, I knew. Whether it was Haruhi's intention, or my problems I wasn't sure.

"More tea?" Asahina asks her, but she hardly acknowledges her. "It'd be nice if Koizumi was here. Then it'd be like…"

"Like one big family?" Asahina sighs, clinging cutely to her little tray.

I am so distraught over this, I don't have much time to take note to Asahina-san's cute little outfit. Something was terribly wrong, here. She doesn't answer her, but I know she's worrying. Would he come back? It seemed so different without him there. Things were less… bearable.

Guilt and shame worked interchangeably within me as my cheeks tinged pink at the remembrance of his lips against mine. I'd never been kissed before then… I touch my lips, my hand tightening into a fist as I start to tremble at the thought of it. I hate this. I hate how he's tainted my views; how he's tainted my ability to think coherently when he isn't even here.

"Everyone can leave, now. We won't be meeting here tomorrow, ok?" She says quietly, and for a moment I want to console her. But, my good intentions are silenced. This is probably what she needs to sober up.

"Except for you, Kyon." She murmurs as I'm turning to leave. I stop in my tracks, the feeling I get when trouble's coming making the hair on my neck stand on end. I stand there, exchanging glances with the others as they leave. I stare at Haruhi, my hand in my pocket.

"What is it?" I ask, shifting from foot to foot.

She looks at me for a long time, and for a while I wonder what it is she wants with me. She doesn't speak at first, looking about with such an uncertain face. I don't like this.

"I notice you aren't as willing to cooperate unless Koizumi is there." The statement cuts through me, and I find myself irritated with her not because she said it, but maybe… it was true.

Was I that transparent?

"Are you guys fighting or something?" She sounds so freaking indignant when she says it. I wish she didn't say it that way. It meant things. Things I didn't want to think on. Like making it sound like we were a couple already. We definitely were not.

No fucking way.

I blush, caught off guard by her words regardless. "N-No way. He's just… he hasn't been himself lately. He's sick, he says." I supply weakly. She looks at me with that probing gaze of hers, balancing between seeing if my words are true or not. I am careful not to avert her gaze too quickly.

"Kyon, I can't have you losing interest in this club. I love this club… I love what we do here. And, I definitely think we'd make a difference with what we've got going." The ploy she throws out neither entices me or brings me closer to liking the club; much less gain a stupid ounce of interest on her behalf. Because Haruhi was Haruhi. I was sticking to my thoughts on the S.O.S. Brigade. It was a load of B.S.

"I want us to build this club together."

She looks at me expectantly, and I realize she's pleading with me in a way.

"What does this have to do with Koizumi?" I ask suspiciously.

She frowns.

"You are important to this club… and so is Koizumi. I want you to bring him back." I stiffen, my hand clenching tightly in my pants' pocket. I don't believe this shit. Does she expect me to go back—back there? I begin to sneer at her, but she proceeds to cut me off. "…I guess so you can look happy again…"

The words echo in my mind as my eyes widen a little. Happy again? Was I unhappy when Koizumi was not there? She looks almost saddened by the fact that she cannot make me happy. Not that that was new or anything, but… Was she somehow suggesting my reason for being happy was through Koizumi Itsuki?

I almost admire her for a moment (as this was perhaps the one moment in history when Haruhi was definitely not thinking about herself), but then find myself being upset again. I didn't like Koizumi. Not like that. But even in saying that, I found myself… if just for a moment… a little bit glad.

Just, a little. Maybe. This was the first time Haruhi was considerate of my feelings in anything.

We step out of the club room together and part ways for the day. I hurry along home, as the spring heat is starting to die down a little bit into the evening. It's a long walk alone, and I had much to think about. The hill was steep without another soul to distract me from the journey. Taking this path, I hurry along to get home and change, but I can't see myself home alone like this.

I think of him; I am frustrated that I'm thinking about him again at a time like this. It pisses me off a little. I wish he'd show his stupid face, and take responsibility for all that's happened. I want to scream to ease the stress, but I remain silent. Punching pillows would be the best way to go, I decide. When I'd established my new stress-release system, I paused as I noticed someone standing at the hill waiting. My eyes widen a little, noticing Koizumi standing at the top looking sheepish.

Looking as if he was regretting something.

Looking overwhelmingly handsome.

My heart skips a beat. Was he waiting for me? Was he thinking about me?

_I find myself hurrying a little bit. I need to get to him. I need to see him._

I stop in front of him, panting as I hold my knees. "You—" I stammer, gasping for breath. He smiles gently at me, his hands in his pockets.

"You idiot!" I manage to scream out, but he begins to rush into his sentence. "I'm sorry it took so long. I realize now that this was a big mist—" He stops talking as I hug him fiercely, and I know he's thought of an apology, an excuse to make us both forget what's happened between us.

He's unable to move. I would have been too if it were me.

He's caught off guard, and for a moment I take great satisfaction in this. "Don't worry about it. Just come back. It's unbearable there without you." He holds me tightly around my waist, and I feel his nose in my hair, smelling me… being familiar with my scent.

I blush, pulling away roughly to clear my throat loudly. His hands remain suspended in the air for a little while before he brings them down some. "Don't disappear like that. Haruhi's been worried… don't want another closed space incident…" I supply lamely, and he smiles at me.

"Of course."

* * *

I'd prepared an apology for this moment, and I even decided to disappear for a while to ease the awkwardness between Kyon and I. It was a resolution I was willing to take action for. I'd come up with all the reasons we couldn't be friends anymore, and today would have been the last day we would have seen each other. I knew the risks; Haruhi would have been upset, but I was sure she'd find someone to replace me. As long as it wasn't her precious Kyon, things would be ok. There would have been no need to worry. However—

"You idiot!" He rushes into my arms, clinging to my neck, and I feel irresolute. As if all the work I'd built up to this moment to be brave and face my consequences of my actions were torn away in one moment. I'm shocked; utterly shocked that I cannot move at first. He's trembling a little, my arms wrapping around his waist. At first I expect him to move away from me, but I cannot help myself to him, holding him close… I smell into his hair, warmth and arousal filling me up despite the many hours I tormented myself over it. I feel his body escape my grasp and the moment is over.

_"Don't disappear like that. Just… Haruhi's been worried… don't want another closed space incident…"_

Another convenient lie. We all knew she wanted Kyon around. But, it was adorable nonetheless. "Hai, Hai." I smile to reassure him. I fall into silence, and he seems a bit uncomfortable. I want him more now than I did before. Now, that I knew he was slightly less uncomfortable about us hugging like this. I don't want to push this matter, but there was no denying what was happening between us, now.

Even if Kyon couldn't (or wouldn't) see it yet.

"Want me to walk you home?" I offer, and he gives me a wary glance. Ah, so he's aware of my intentions? He looks at me for quite some time, before walking ahead. I stand there to wait for his command, and he turns to look over his shoulder. "Well… aren't you coming?" He asks, irritation filling his voice. I smile, following him closely. There is no way I'll screw this up. He's counting on me to make him happy.

Even if he doesn't acknowledge his feelings just yet.

* * *

Getting home had been the hardest part, as there was complete silence between us. I can feel Koizumi watching me from time to time, and I know he wants to say something. I always try to start speaking, but find no words coming out. Unsure, I simply stay quiet.

I wonder what he's thinking about.

Probably perverted things that include me in them. My cheeks turn pink at the thought. _That was just downright embarrassing and disgusting,_ I say to myself. But, I find myself being a bit happy about it.

_Wait, what?_

"If you have something to say, then say it, Koizumi. You have a bad habit of doing that." I mutter irritably, and I can see he's unsure of what to say, too. "Ah, I'm sorry, Kyon…" He says quietly.

I frown.

He's trying to be considerate of my feelings… but, I don't want him thinking we can't talk like we used to.

I realize there will never be a "used to" between us.

We reach my home, and he stops at the front of the gate, his hands shoved deep in his pockets. I can see he doesn't want me to be uncomfortable by his presence. Like last time. "I'll um… see you? We don't have a meeting tomorrow, so…" I go quiet in hopes he'll speak, but he simply stares at his shoes, before looking up to smile.

Fuck, I don't like this at all.

This Koizumi was heavily guarded, and cautious. I realize I want the old Koizumi back.

There would never be an "old Koizumi", either. I grit my teeth. _Well, what the hell am I supposed to do?_

I hurry into my home without telling him goodbye, my back against the door as I try to take steady breaths. The feeling of his eyes on my back I could still feel. When I see him next, what do I say to him? I feel a headache coming on, and all I want to do is sleep. Tomorrow was Saturday, and since we had no meeting I could definitely sleep in. I took a shower, did my homework, and lied in bed in hopes sleep would finally come.

It's almost 3 in the morning as I toss and turn in my bed, the sound of the AC unit whirring quietly in the background. I'm restless. My dreams clinging to my consciousness disturb me. I can feel it… him, all around me. The touch of his fingers on my lips, above me… _restraining me… tearing me apart.  
_  
_I breathe, he thrusts; I scream._

He's over me, and we're a part of each other. I realize he's inside me, so deep inside of me. We're both lost to pleasure as we explore into unknown territory together. We're close, _so close_… my toes curling, his mouth on mine to muffle my need to cry out…

I jerk awake; my eyes dilate from the shock of finding myself in my room, the covers tangled about my legs. I pant roughly as I flop back into my pillows, wiping my sweaty brow. This was one of those subtle moments when I wished I had never known what I was dreaming about.

I feel uneasy, my body unusually warm and throbbing in—I sit up quickly to inspect underneath the covers, and to my horror I have an erection.

"It's morning wood." I let out scratchily, but I'm way too far gone for it to be just that. I'm torn between masturbating, or letting it die down. I lay back, my hands clutching into the sheets in hopes I'll get a grip and will it down. "Something horribly ugly… um… ah…" I close my eyes to imagine my great grandmother naked in all her wrinkled glory, but the first thing I see is his face again…

I bite my lip so hard in hopes it bleeds, slightly distracted by the pain. He's over me, whispering things… dirty things… my hand slips down my stomach, chest heaving for fresh breath as I'm half-heartedly making the decision to touch myself, slightly freaked out about this. But my cock twitches at his imaginary voice, and I grab my cock to stroke.

_"Come on, Kyon… I can't see you properly…"_

I spread my legs a little, a soft pant escaping my lips as I grab a firm hold now, stroking up and down. He's watching me… watching me with those eyes… I want to feel disgusted, but I can't seem to find it in myself to at this very moment. All I hear is him, panting into my ear, excited just as I am at how hard my dick is for him.

_"Ah, see… you're slit's wet…"_

My breath hitches at his words. Would he say something like this? My hand is his hand, stroking my meat to hardness, and I forget for a while that I'm not into men; men who weren't Koizumi. Frankly, it wasn't gay if you punched them after.

Right? Someone had told me once. Or something.

I feel so fucking stupid for this, but my imagination proves to be a powerful one. I arch off the bed, pre-come dribbling down my hand as I fist-fuck my throbbing organ into oblivion. I realize he is every bit as part of me as I was to him. I don't want this to end, my nipples achingly hard from the pleasure coursing through my veins. Was this how it was like for him? I don't want to know, the dreading feeling of guilt and shame that would soon wash over me when all of this was over.

It was definitely bad enough that I made such a spectacle in front of him when he'd all but kissed me the first and second time.

_"Come for me, Kyon-kun…"_

I oblige to his words, the softness in them. I arch off of the bed, my toes curling in my socks as I feel the pressure building in my loins. My balls draw up tightly to my body, burying my face into a nearby pillow as I feel the beginning of my orgasm. It rips through me, his pleased face filling my consciousness as I splash my seed all over my hand and against my belly. My legs feel like jello, my heart hammering in my chest as I now realize what I've done.

The sound of the telephone goes off, and I let it ring as I'm too shocked to move just yet. It continues to ring, and I growl as I reach for my cell phone with my dry hand, noticing Haruhi's name come across my screen. At first I want to toss the phone at the wall, but I end up picking it up. "Yeah?"

"Kyon!" At this point I know how it will go, lying back to listen. "There'll be a meeting today! Bring your bike, and lots of money!" I start to speak, but she hangs up before I get that chance. I stare at the phone for a while. "What the fuck." I mumble, tossing the phone on the covers. The niggling reminder that I just jerked off to Koizumi's image gives me all the more reason not to show up.

_He would be there. He'd be waiting for me._

I drag the covers over my head, a blush staining my cheeks. This was not how I wanted to start my morning.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own it.

A/N: Sorry for the long delay. Life just got busy really quick. I hope this update will bring about some sort of entertainment. Lol

Warning: This story will contain Yaoi, bad language and other things unsuitable for children. If you feel you have little knowledge of Yaoi, I suggest you turn back while you still can. If you don't like MalexMale relationships, then don't read it. Kay thanks.

****

Unbroken Will- Chapter Six

.

**.  
. **

"You're late! A penalty!"

Haruhi is wearing her trademark yellow sun-dress, her eyes full of mischief and mayhem. It's a typical Saturday, even though the circumstances aren't all that normal. As predicted the entire gang came sauntering out to greet me. Asahina clings to my arm, but Haruhi is first to push her off. I rub my neck sheepishly, lifting my eyes to meet Koizumi's.

_So he came, after all. _Is all I can think as we both look away. Things were different between us now. I could feel it in my bones. He was wearing a hunter green t-shirt, and a pair of khaki shorts with matching sandals.

It was as if yesterday never happened. But, I know better. I can't make the assumption that he isn't hurting from the other day. A pang of guilt tears through the pit of my stomach, and I try to ignore the feeling. I felt uneasy still, my heart stuttering a beat as Haruhi gathered us around to tell her plans.

"If there are any espers, time travelers and aliens that give a sign that they exist, don't hesitate to call ok? This is serious, guys. We're bound to find something, today. I can feel it!" Haruhi mouths off in an as-a-matter-of-factly tone as she dug through her dress pocket to pull out a bundle of sticks in various sizes. "The people with the same size sticks are going to be grouped together! Ready…go!"  
_  
_I give a steady prayer in my heart that Asahina and I could become partners. Anyone with half a brain knew I always had a thing for Asahina. I've made no secret about it. The girl is as magical as her breasts are supple. You can't go wrong with a girl like that. Haruhi on the other hand… perhaps could have been classified as a def-con level three cock-blocker.

Asahina gives me a hopeful glance, those round bright eyes staring up into my own. I can feel her breast pushing up against my elbow as she grabs my arm in her little Asahina-way, and for a moment I wish my elbow was my penis. I lose composure, my smile waning as I put my stick close to hers to measure. Haruhi gives an almost triumphant look, and I wonder if she realizes that we can see her intent to sabotage us ever being together.

Already my Saturday is ruined.

"Looks like Asahina won't be with Kyon," Haruhi says in an obnoxious tone; I take a look in Koizumi's direction for help like I usually do, but that awkward air between us hasn't cleared at all yet. With dread I realize that Koizumi may just have been put off by my half-hearted attempt to ignore all of this.

We give each other a glance, his expression hard to read. I find myself wondering what he's thinking about again. Haruhi's pompous expression fades as she strikes out in having the same size stick as mine.

So, there is a God.

At this point, I take the time to snort, turning the other way to avoid her piercing stare.

_Please don't give me such an accusing stare,_ I think to myself, ignoring her ridiculously dejected look.

"Alright, move out," Haruhi mumbles, and I give an exasperated sigh, watching Asahina wave solemnly as she walked away with Nagato and Haruhi in the other direction. I wiggle my fingers sheepishly at her, before turning around. _Oh, Asahina, my time to ogle your tits will be greatly missed._

It's silent between Koizumi and me. My hands sift into my pockets as all these thoughts began to float around.

_Why should I give a crap about all this? I'm not gay, right? He's asking an impossible thing of me. I don't think that's fair. My life has already gotten weird. A gay esper is just the big fucking twist in this entire game Haruhi's set up._

"If aliens, time travelers, and espers existed," I started slowly to ease the silence between us. I give him a side glance. "—they wouldn't want to be found. Not by the likes of Haruhi," I murmur. I can see the amusement in his face lining against his blank expression.

But, Koizumi snorts aloud.

"On the contrary, she seemed to find US." That is the first response I'd gotten out of him since the last time we spoke. I swallow, the sun giving no mercy to my exposed neck. The summer heat out here could get to sweltering degrees some days. Other days it was just muggy, raining, or gray.

It's strange, I can't recall those gray days.

_Not when Koizumi was around. There I go, thinking those weird thoughts again._

I give a self-conscious rub to my arms. Koizumi is watching me with that same pensive stare, as if any word out of his mouth would upset and disturb me. His mouth moves to say something, but I am met with silence. We walk until I slow, watching his back as he keeps his pace. When he noticed I wasn't following, he turned to regard me beneath those dark lashes.

_His hair's getting longer. He should cut it… I could probably cut it if he let me._

The faint scent of his must and cologne amplified by the heat, the slight stubble at his chin from not being able to shave this morning; all of these were things I noticed about Koizumi just then. When were his shoulders so broad? When did Koizumi become this… man?

"Kyon?" He lets out, and a pang inhabits me. Why do I feel this way? I know this feeling, that very same feeling I had when we were stuck on that mysterious island. It was that very same soul-wrenching feeling. I couldn't stand it, then.

_I can't stand it now, again._

He's looking at me, expectant, searching… does he know? Can he see right through me?

"We'd better look for something before Haruhi—" He starts. I know he's deflecting simply just to keep some sort of peace between us. But, the elephant in the room has gotten way too big for us to ignore.

"Itsuki." I say his name softly, but it's the first time I've ever done so. It flies out of me before I can even stop myself. Koizumi gives me a pained expression, even though I can't look him in the eyes for long.

"We don't have to pretend, alright? I get it." I know I could never really begin to understand him, or his feelings. I say I want to, but that would lead us down an unfamiliar road.

A hard and scary road; a road I'm not prepared to take.

I feel so afraid, and the soft sigh that escapes Koizumi only amplifies this irrational fear within me. Koizumi comes closer, and I hold my breath. I want to know what he's thinking, and what this all means. What will happen to us now?

We're both silent, but I can almost feel the heat of his body against mine. I shut my eyes, the heat beating down on the ground like an angry wave. We decide to move under the awning at a secluded spot behind the station for refuge.

Sweat trickles down the back of my neck; my heart pounds at the shuffle of his feet beside me. As we stop, I feel the weight of his hands on my shoulders. Slow and steady, just like his voice. Despite being so warm out, the heat from his hands were different.

_Very, very different._

"You know what I want, Kyon. There's no turning back if… if we…" His thumb brushes against my neck, and my spine tingles in a way I've never experienced before. I know he's struggling with this, but damn it, so am I! I pull back, but he takes it as some sort of invitation.

This makes me uneasy to the max.

"Koizumi, this is weird as hell—" I stammer, blushing profusely. Our foreheads almost meet. I can't look at him just yet.

"I know. I know…" Koizumi whispers back. His hands are on me again, moving up and down my shoulders as if to check if I am real or not. I can feel him holding back. I can't move—or rather, I choose not to just yet.

"Kyon, I—" He pulls away from me as he notices my discomfort, running a hand through his light brown hair. He looks frustrated. My eyes are fixed on the silken strands that fall across his furrowed brows. _This heat is affecting me,_ I think to myself to ease my beating heart.

"What…? What is it…?" If there was any sense in me left, I would've stopped this from happening a long time ago. Koizumi is close, and where we are no one could possibly interrupt us. I find myself against the cool slab of bricks beneath the awning shielding us from the sun.

A bead of sweat poured down Koizumi's cheek as we stare at each other. I watch it dribble down his long neck, looking up to find him watching me.

"What were you going to say?" I repeat to distract him, and he gives me a guarded gaze.

"Do you really want to hear it, Kyon?" His eyes peer into mine and I look away. I absolutely hate when he does that. It's as if he's reading my mind.

"If it's about _those_ things, no…" Heat creeps on my cheeks again, the familiar, uncomfortable feeling seeping into me. What am I still doing here?

"I couldn't stop feeling these feelings. I don't have a choice." I look up to find him staring at his shoes. "I thought to myself 'I must be weird for feeling this way'. Or 'Kyon would find this dirty and disgusting'. But, I couldn't stop, and now—"

_And, now?_

Koizumi stops as if he's said too much, and it's obvious that this is hard enough for him to say all this in front of me—me, who tossed his feelings to the wind without so much as a thought. I, who couldn't and probably would never, return those feelings. I move towards him for the first time, every step heavy with hesitation as I see tears pouring out his eyes. He's resting his palms on his knees to support his weight, his shoulders shaking.

_I make him suffer so much. So, so much. What do I do? Someone give me the answer!_

I touch his shoulder, feeling him lean up to push his face into my neck as he gives a watery sob. I was never able to give others hugs. I just wasn't big on contact. But Koizumi had to have been the very first recipient to ever receive a hug on my part. It was strange and alien, but familiar all the same as I held him in the shaded alleyway.

I don't think I ever saw him cry so hard. I just held, and held… and held until he stopped shaking. My shirt was probably soaked through with his tears alone, but I continued to hold him. He pulled back to wipe his eyes, my thumbs unconsciously brushing his tears away.

He'd gotten so much taller than me since we'd met. This close it was easier to tell how much of a man he'd become. Koizumi sniffed loudly, leaning forward to kiss me on the lips.

It was perhaps a moment where we didn't really know what had just happened, but his lips were on mine one more time. And then another… and soon his hands were on my hips, pulling me closer as we kissed clumsily beneath the shaded awning.

_What am I doing? What am I doing…?_

His lips felt pliant against mine, warm and wet and soft as we tilt our heads to get a better taste of each other. I struggle against him half-heartedly, my hands at his chest to keep him at bay. But, he pulls my body closer, my fingers fisting in the material of his shirt as he cups the back of my neck. The soft prod of his tongue against my lips made my body twitch. Our tongues finally met, his hands brushing over my ass to pull me up against him fully. I could feel him against my thigh, jerking back.

"Oh—" I begin, pulling away from him when my senses finally came to. Koizumi's pupils were dilated, his nostrils flaring as he licked his kiss-swollen lips.

He's aroused.

_But so am I, _I realize with horror.

As he reaches for me, I pull away, shaking my head. "We—"

"Kyon! Koizumi!" The sound of Haruhi's voice in the distance causes us both to jump, scurrying out of the alleyway, the moment gone between us. I can still feel his lips against mine, and the scent of him settling around me like a long forgotten dream.


End file.
